


Looking Back and Going Forward

by RABNerd28



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drabble, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Minor Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25717099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RABNerd28/pseuds/RABNerd28
Summary: Fjord and Caduceus talk about going forward with their relationship, but that requires looking back a little bit.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Fjord/Mollymauk Tealeaf (past), Fjord/Sabian (Critical Role) (past)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Looking Back and Going Forward

**Author's Note:**

> This has been somewhat in my head for a while. Taken forever to get it out. Probably not my best work either.

Fjord walked up the winding stairs of the Xhorhouse, to Caduceus' room. There were nerves in his stomach. He shouldn't be nervous. He was just going to talk to his...boyfriend? He wasn't sure if he could call Caduceus that. They'd only kissed once after Fjord had confessed his feelings for him back on the ship, and they'd been distracted till coming home, so they never got the chance to talk. There was definitely a lot to talk about.

He reached the top of the steps and looked up. Caduceus was sitting against the tree holding a cup of tea, his eyes closed. Fjord loved how peaceful he looked. He didn’t want to disturb him, just wanted to watch him.

“I know you’re there Fjord.” He jumped at the sound of Caduceus’ voice, almost tripping back in the progress.

“Hey Deucey.” He walked over and sat down against the tree next to him.

“Tea?”

“I’m good.” Fjord felt awkward and shaky. He didn’t know what to say. Had never done this before. “We should talk.”

“We should?”

“Yeah, about back on the boat.” Fjord watched Caduceus’ eyes shoot open. He turned his eyes to Fjord and left his meditation stance.

“Was there something wrong?”

“No. We should just talk about us. Going forward.”

“Going forward?”

“With our relationship.”

“Oh.” Caduceus was silent for a moment. “I don’t really know how this is supposed to go.”

“I don’t really know either. I was just going to assume that we could do the same we did before, but with small changes.”

“Do you mean physical stuff?”

Fjord felt heat come to his cheeks. “Yeah physical stuff.”

Caduceus blinked at him repeatedly. His eyes wide, and Fjord was starting to get a little worried.

“Can I admit something?” Caduceus finally asked.

“Sure.”

"I've never been with anyone. I don't really know what I'm doing."

"I mean, I haven't really been in a real relationship either."

"Fjord, when I say that I haven't been with anyone, I mean in any way at all ever."

Fjord blinked in realisation. "Oh. Was I your first-"

"Yes."

"Why hasn't been there anyone before?"

"I lived in a graveyard with my family for most of my life, and then the only visitors I met were those grieving. Not a lot of opportunities there."

"That's fair."

"You said that there haven't been that many. How many have there been?"

"Actual relationship or everything?"

"Everything."

"Jealous?"

"No. Just curious."

“There have been four.” Caduceus stared at him expectantly. “You already know about Avantica. The first was some girl, I don’t even remember her name. I was barely an adult, and it was quick and messy. I think I saw her a few times after that, but nothing else happened. Then there was Sabian.”

“Your old crew member?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you hated him.”

“I do now, and I did before. But between all of that...there was a time, it wasn’t long. I think I might have loved him. I might be wrong though. What could have been the closest thing to a real relationship for me, might have been just meaningless sex for him.” Caduceus pulled him close and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Fjord felt the small pain in his chest leave. “Um, the last one might be awkward.”

“Why? Did you sleep with Caleb?”

“I don’t understand why you would think that.”

“It was the most awkward thing I could think of.”

“No, it’s just awkward because I’ve never told anyone. Never said it out loud. Although he told Yasha. They were close.” Fjord took a deep breath. “It was Molly.”

“Oh.” Caduceus shifted slightly, turning so that they were face to face again. “No one knew.”

“Just Yasha. But no one else. Somewhere between Trostenwald and Alfield, it was just a way to relieve stress. There weren’t any feelings, it was just sex. I loved him, but not like that. I don’t know if I ever could. Not like I love you.”

Fjord felt like he could feel Caduceus’ heart swell. The rise and fall of his chest, the breeze blowing through his hair, Fjord wanted to go forward and kiss him. Caduceus beat him to it.

His kiss was soft and slow. The hesitation from their first now gone, instead taking the lead. Fjord let himself melt, let that control be taken over. Let the man he loves lead him. The kiss was shorter than he wanted it to be, and chased Caduceus’ lips as he pulled away.

“Where does that put us?”

“With some sexual experience and almost nothing for a relationship.”

“So, what do we do?”

“We see how things go, and work from there.”

“We take it a step at a time.”

Fjord smiled. “I like that.”

They didn’t speak after that. Just watched the sky above them. Fjord watched the stars, letting his head rest on Caduceus before he fell asleep there. Given the way he woke up, Caduceus did the same.

**Author's Note:**

> The Molly relationship was inspired by me and my group chat talking, as well as a fic I read once about Fjolly being friends w/ benefits when he was alive. Fjolly is underappreciated by this fandom. You know I'm right.


End file.
